Space Holding: an Essential Skillset for All

I see three kinds of space holders in my world:

The first kind are people who have a high degree of competence for holding space: for listening, being patient, giving people in their lives a lot of room to share, feel and speak. Until they hit a limiting edge.

These are people who tend to give others what they cannot so easily ask for for themselves: someone to hold space for them. Often they cannot ask, because they find that when others hold space for them there is not enough space; not enough patience, not enough consideration. There is too much advice-giving, questioning or assuming. Going in those directions doesn’t work. They are looking for new possibilities both as space holders and as the ones having space held for them.

These people would benefit from space holder training because they would be on both the receiving and giving ends with other space holders-in-training. They would bring benefit to the space with their keen feedback about what doesn’t work. They would access new possibilities about finding and having their boundaries, determining what they want, and finally asking for it as a space holder.

The second kind of space holders (and you may fall into two or more categories, here), are those who are painfully aware of their inadequacy as space holders. They are tired of hitting their limits and want to grow their capacity and ability to hold space. They may not yet have taken any courses or maybe they have already trained in a serious modality or two. Still, they cannot seem to ‘get it right’. People in their circles seem to be blocked about asking them to hold space. In their personal lives, they notice they unintentionally make relational messes and they may think, “but it all made sense, what I did! How is it that it still goes so badly when it comes to creating trust, honesty and healing?”

These people would benefit from space holder training because they have amazing questions, and exploring these questions with a team will bring benefit to everyone. They will add key puzzle pieces to fill gaps missing in their understanding, and start to gain clearer views of themselves and their competence. With lots of chances to make many small, important steps, they will show up as ever more proficient space holders.

The third kind are those brand new to this world of holding space for feelings, healing and other possibilities outside Modern Culture’s numbed out, work-because-they-told-you-to-and-you-have-to-survive ways.

Something or someone opened a door into a vast universe of ‘something else’, and they are starting to put aside the distractions that have been placating them. They have started experimenting. They are excited and nervous about new possibilities, so often take breaks from exploring, but they keep coming back to this ‘something else is possible’ doorway.

These people will benefit from space holder training because they will receive many new distinctions, thoughtmaps and tools, and the processes they experience will make it possible for them to let go of old safety blankets. Their freshness will bring light to the most simple and powerful parts of holding space, they will be a benefit to the whole group.

Maybe there is a fourth kind of space holders. Maybe there are some who are so adept, so clear, so skilled that they don’t need further space holder training. I am guessing even these people are still learning, still discovering new things about how to hold space, and how to make use of spaces held by others.

I think that of all the skills known to humans, the skills of holding and navigating space for healing, learning, evolution and transformation are the most important if humans are to curb our collective path toward self-extinction.

Whether we can collectively do this or not, I am committed to developing and passing on space holding skills because for me there is no greater adventure than my inner self discovery and transformation and the relational adventures of discovering what’s really happening with other human Beings. Above all, the creative collaboration that becomes possible, the fun and ultimately the ecstasy, call me forward.

I envision a world where Emotional Healing Process/Space Holding Dojos are as common as coffee shops; where anyone who wants to can open the Dojo door and hold or be held in a space for healing and transformation. When they leave, they are able to take more responsibility than they could before their visit. They are revived in their unique Quest, turned on by a new next experiment, and laden with golden discoveries to share.

Empowered by this vision, and by the Distinctions, Thoughtmaps, Tools and Processes I have been training in in the Possibility Management specialty of Conscious Feelings Work, I have created Essential Space Holding Training, an 8 week series. This training is for all three kinds of space holders described above, and even the fourth kind who ‘doesn’t need more training’ would benefit by joining because Essential Space Holder Training never ends!

Starting over with the basics always surprises, enhances, renews and expands. The benefit to the team would be remarkable, as each teammate explores beyond their edge, and the gold of collaboration fills the team space like pollen.

What could become possible for you with such an expanded skillset?

If you think you want to be part of such a training, please be in touch with me by emailing nicolebradford110@gmail.com

If you know someone who might be interested, please send them this article.

Essential Space Holder Training begins Wednesday January 23, with zoom calls every Wednesday at 11am-1pm Mountain Time, which is 7–9pm in Central Europe and Thursday mornings at 7am in New Zealand.

The fee is in a sliding scale from CAD$500–280.

The series includes many possibilities for practice and deeper study during the 8 weeks and on past the end of the training.

Expand beyond your limiting thoughts, feelings and space holding skillset, for your own benefit and for the benefit of All.