How My Mum Finally Became Interested in My Work

confessions — and discoveries — of a recovering rage-aholic

“I understand better what your work is now. You used to just be so ANGRY, I couldn’t see it.”

So said my mother recently.

After years of not chosing to look at my website, follow me on Medium nor Patreon nor YouTube, now she is INTERESTED.

I was certainly angry. I still am.

But I have, over the last years, learned to USE my anger consciously: to ask for Emotional Healing Processes so I can use my emotional anger for healing things, and thus more clearly discern my emotional anger from my feelings of anger, at various levels of intensity, and use the energy and information of my anger — in the here and now — responsibly.

To ask for what I want.

To say no when I want to say no.

To say yes when I want to say yes.

To decisively choose.

To boldly and declare.

To discover what else I care about and what I want to exist, and to take stand after stand for these things to exist.

I was and still am angry — that Modern Culture Standard Human Intelliegence Thoughtware (SHIT!) is running people intellectually and that their emotions are so often frozen and/or in overdrive creating runaround drama that uses up time and other resources without things changing.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

I want things to change — drastically. Extraordinarily.

I want to have High Level Fun solving Big Problems like:

climate instability,

the mental illness pandemic,

mass lethargy,

mass pollution,

the hellish plight of single mothers, and of mothers raising children in a world that shoves media, materialism and fakery down their children’s throats. (Okay maybe it doesn’t, but it is as if it does.)

THOSE are some of the things I was and still am ENRAGED about.

I AM having High Level Fun doing an assortment of experiments that build on other experiments I have done over decades. I am headed into some of the most extraordinary experimenting of my life.

I am terrified! — and I am glad, because my fear, like my anger, has become another precious resource for energy and information to create magic — responsibly.

Not to mention my sadness, and…my authentic joy. But those are other articles.

Living with less material stuff, while the stuff I do live with brings me ecstasy as I pack it up and unpack it — sometimes daily — during my nomadic adventures from project to project as a Trasformational Experiment Creator and Catalyst for and with Team Gaia. (Are YOU on Team Gaia? If you are reading this, I suspect the answer is YES.)

One big problem I am committed to experimenting about is how to get resources like money and physical tools — for setting up Gaian ecovillages — out of storage (banks, stores and other storage places). How to get it out of the hands of people who are interested in power differentials and polluting — and get it into the hands of people who would use it to create Gaian Gameworlds: ecovillages and other Radical Experimenting spaces.

I want to help generate more alive systems that do not rely on fossil fuels, the electric grid, slave labour nor ecocide. I want to help generate more nomadic catalysts.

How to redistribute access to money, land, attention?

If YOU are immersed in experiments about this, will you let me know? I want to connect more experimenters with each other so we can all benefit from each other’s research, and empower each others projects.

Some of my most empowering gold is in the territory of growing up Emotional and Energetic Bodies, and re-wiring Mental Bodies so that WHAT IS can be more accurately related with.

For example, now that I have done more of such work, I can relate with my mother in ways that make it possible for her to see my work, rather than only being able to see my emotional unconscious anger, which hooked her into judging and avoiding me.

I can also see HER more clearly, and I can relate to her in ways that create intimacy, rather than adversarial relating.

I tell you — it is extraordinary to have, at long last, a relationship with the extraordinary woman who has been my mother all these decades — where I cry sweet and authentic tears to greet her and to leave her — and where I can even (effectively!) get her to stop interrupting me!

I wonder who it is in your life, who you, deep down, wish you could experience — authentically, intimately?

I wonder what Big Problems you, in your heart, want to contribute to solving?

I want to hear, if you want to write to me and share about it.

Love, Nicole

#formerrageaholic

#dotingdaughter

#GaianNomad